10 Conversations You Will Inevitably Have When You Tell Someone You Train Jiu-Jitsu

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Image Source: Issys Calderon Photography

1. Uh, so what exactly is it?
“It’s basically submission grappling. Oh, you don’t know what that is either? Hmm. So do you watch UFC? Ok, so not the punching part, but when they’re on the ground. That. It’s like wrestling, but with chokes and joint locks.”

2. Do you think you could beat me up?
“Maybe? Probably? No, I don’t want to ‘test it out’ in the parking lot after work, Jeffery. If you want to come to a class, we can do it then. Tuesday at 7:30 in the evening. Oh, you’re not sure if you’ll be free then? Got it.”

3. Oh, cool! I was an orange belt in Tang Soo Do when I was younger.
“That’s neat, Paula. Is it basically the same thing? Eh, no, not really. Not at all, actually. But still, I appreciate the effort.”

4. Ew, you roll around with other sweaty men? Too gay for me.
“No, my dude. I’m sorry your sexual security is so fragile that any form of physical contact beyond an overly dominant handshake makes you feel threatened, but no.” 

5. That stuff would never work on me.
“Cool cool. Hey, want to come show your stuff on all of us sometime this week? First class is free. Ahh, tight schedule? Yep, I get it, no worries. Good luck in your street fights.”

6. OOOOOH, JOO-JITSOO. *karate hands*
“Haha, yeah, it’s actually more like wrestling than karate. Zero boards, I have broken zero boards with my bare hands. Nope, not like kung fu either.”

7. I never picked you to be the violent type.
“I’m not. We actually call jiu-jitsu the ‘gentle art’ because of the lack of striking and the fact that we give our opponents the opportunity to tap out instead of injuring them. It’s why we have people from all ages and backgrounds that train. What? You disagree because you watch UFC? Oh.”

8. What’s up with the kimono-pajamas things?
“It’s part of our uniform. We’re allowed to use them as a tool to choke our opponents or otherwise gain the upper hand. While some people don’t consider them practical for real-world self-defense situations, the truth is that there are many ways in which gi techniques can be replicated with street clothes.”

9. What’s up with the crazy tight pants with pineapples and flamingoes on them?
“Fashion, baby.”

10. Wanna roll with me, cutie? 😉
“Blocked.”

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