‘Twas the night before Jitsmas, and all over the mats
The students were rolling in rashguards and spats.
The gis were in gym bags, all folded with care
Waiting for the next class for the athletes to wear.
A white belt was nestled in a rear naked choke
His vision a-fading as he fought for his throat.
But right before taking an accidental nap
He settled his brain and decided to tap.
When from the front door there rose such a clatter
They all stopped their rolls to see what was the matter.
All of it happened in such a quick flash
That some of them paused in the middle of a guard pass.
The parking lot lamp on the melting gray slush
Gave light to the scene that made everyone hush.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a man that looked like the kind most people would fear.
With a shirt that said “Tapout” and muscles so thick
I knew in a moment he must be a prick.
More rapid than eagles his accomplishments came
And he gloated and shouted and boasted his fame.
“I’ve armbarred and kneebarred and guillotined dudes.
I’ve bloodied their faces and ruined their moods.
I’ve fought in the bars, I’ve fought in the streets
And now I’ve come here to find others to beat.”
As an unprepared person after a scissor sweep flies
And they crash to the ground, getting mounted by surprise
So quickly the vibe in the gym was reversed
As everyone argued to roll with him first.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from behind
The voice of the most unlikely opponent you’d find.
As the gym became quiet and we all turned around
The hundred-pound white belt came forth with a bound.
She was dressed in Tatami from her legs to her neck
And looked just the right size for this new guy to wreck.
With only brute strength he could break her poor back.
He had the weight and the brawn that she clearly lacked.
But her eyes, how they blazed as she stuck out her hand
And her cheeks, how they smiled as she said hi to the man.
His loud little mouth hung as wide as can be
As the tiny woman said, “You can start with me.”
The brute of a man just gritted his teeth
And a flush crept up his neck like a wreath.
But he stepped onto the mat with his tiny opponent
Prepared to destroy her in merely a moment.
They slapped and bumped hands, the ogre and elf
And I cringed at the sight in spite of myself.
But a wink of her eye as he dove into her guard
Showed me that this tool was gonna get armbarred.
She spoke not a word as she threw her legs ‘cross his body
And taught him the consequences for being so naughty.
She trapped his right arm and flipped him to his back
And he finally tapped just before the crack.
He sprang to his feet, clutching his arm
And ran from the people he thought he could harm.
But I heard him exclaim as he continued to flee
“I’ll find somewhere else to train UFC!”