It may be time to force quit and reboot 2019 entirely, because its starting to sound like these headlines are being written via a game of sativa dominant Madlibs. And while it’s no Justin Bieber challenging the King of Scientology to a fist fight, this one is still pretty weird.
So, Emmanuel Macron, the President of France? A few days ago fight legend Renzo Gracie, a cultural ambassador for Brazil, is shown on tape trash talking Macron and his wife, Brigitte. Fired up over Macron’s recent criticism of Brazilian President and Gracie pal Jair Bolsonaro, and Bolsonaro’s controversial response to the catastrophic fires in Brazil currently, Gracie goes for Macron’s throat–literally, he called it a “chicken neck” that he wants to break–and then says the First Lady of France is a “dragon.” Because Renzo Gracie knows how to make a video go viral.
He didn’t stop there, however. Gracie then spoke to Brazilian news outlet UOL, clarifying that: “That gang of clowns only open their mouths to speak badly about our country. Many will be astonished, they will think I called him a hen because his manhood is questionable. I’ve met many gays more manly than this imbecile.”
The only logical place for this international game of “Boom, Roasted” to go next was, obviously, even more trash talk, this time by President Macron’s security guru and body guard, Alexandre Benalla. The 27-year-old is most famous in France for beating up a civilian May Day protester on tape, a move which sparked outrage and has royally screwed up Macron’s approval rating.
Benalla proposed he and Gracie settle the argument in “an octagon,” condemning the black belt’s words as unworthy of a former great sportsman:
Also? Specified the fight should be in Paris:
Renzo seemed…unimpressed with the offer:
If the whole thing seems kind of petty and pointless, that’s because it is. There’s zero chance of the pair fighting, and it would serve no purpose if they did.
There are four months of 2019 left, so don’t worry. It’s still possible Chancellor Merkel and Eddie Bravo will start a flame war about flat earth over Pinterest and get into that sub-only superfight we’ve been waiting for in time for Christmas.